


Thedas Safe Sex Practices 101

by Sorshania



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-10
Updated: 2015-04-10
Packaged: 2018-03-22 03:46:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3713761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sorshania/pseuds/Sorshania
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We all know of Thedas' sexuality. But what about safe sex practices? Do they even exist?</p>
<p>Sera wasn't thinking about this when she came out of her room after an excruciating trek in the Emerald Graves where the Inquisitor seemed determined to gather every Arbor Blessing and Deep Mushroom plants she could lay her hands on. Why would she need so many of those anyway?</p>
<p>A chance conversation between Skinner, Dalish and Scout Harding, might shed some light on this mystery.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thedas Safe Sex Practices 101

**Author's Note:**

  * For [joaniedark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/joaniedark/gifts).



> All the recipes in this fic are based on actual antique and medieval recipes (thank you Wikipedia!) and are adapted to the Thedas' universe.
> 
> (Except for the Crystal Grace's infused spring water rinse and Dagna's (possible) enchanted Moon Shield. Those are mine.)

“I think I’ll need more deep mushrooms.”

“Are you sure about this? I thought Arbor Blessings worked better. Caused fewer headaches too.”

“Yeah but I don’t think we’ll be able to find some where we’re heading. The boss said we were going back to the Storm Coast to trash more Venatori camps.”

“I thought we trashed them all.”

“Nan. They’re like oil. You cannot get rid of them that easily.”

“If you want, I can have some specially delivered to you at one of the Inquisition camps. It won’t be hard to add it to the requisition list.”

Sera were coming down the stairs when she heard the conversation. She frowned, recognizing one of the voices as Scout Harding’s but she couldn’t place the other two. Normally, she wouldn’t have been paying attention to the ambient conversations of the Herald’s Rest, except that the archer had just came back from an expedition in the Emerald Graves, with the Inquisitor who insisted they gathered as many Arbor Blessings plants as possible. When Dorian joked about their Inquisitor’s obsession with this particular plant, and also with Deep Mushrooms now Sera thought of it, Lavellan just shrugged and said it was a Dalish thing. It was usually enough to cut the conversation short.

Sera did not want anything to do with “elfy things” while Dorian simply wasn’t sure how much he could ask about Dalish culture without looking as if he was prying.

Her curiosity now awakened, Sera peered over the banister and blinked, surprised to see Harding in deep conversation with the two elves girls from the Bull’s Chargers. Their names were Dalish and Skinner, if she remembered correctly. The Bull had brought them over one night, to one of their Inner Circle’s Wicked Grace game. It had been quite the sight to see the two girls teaming up to skin the Qunari. The Bull had managed to keep his pants and eye patch but had to pay for their table’s drinks as well as for the rest of the tavern. In short, it had been glorious.

“What’s with this sudden obsession with Arbor Blessing and Deep Mushrooms?” Sera asked, dropping on a chair beside Skinner. The girls blinked, surprised. “Some kind of Dalish catnip, ya? Her Holiness got us to gather every one of them plant we could find.”

The two Chargers’ members shared a look before Dalish answered. “Not catnip no. Arbor Blessings or Deep Mushrooms are the main components used in the Moon Draught.”

“Usually there’s always some in the garden but our reserves are pretty low after the Inquisitor decided to go after the Hivernal.” Harding chimed in and looked pointedly at Sera, as if it was her fault Her Holy Ass decided to vent her anger at some giant flying lizard. “Every specimen we had, was taken for the confection of Regeneration potions.”

“The Moon What? What’s that?” It didn’t sound like any potion or bomb recipes she knew of. Sera were tempted to scoff it off as some “elfy stuff” except that Skinner wasn’t much of an elf and Harding not one, like, at all. Maybe it was something worth knowing.

“Moon Draught. You know. It helps control your menses when you’re out in the field so you don’t bleed everywhere you go and attract unwanted opponent.” Dalish explained as she poked at her breakfast.

“What she doesn’t say is that it’s also very effective in making sure there are no consequences when you’re dallying with some male company.” Skinner added, her eyes gleaming with amusement. The rogue quickly dodged the flying piece of bread Dalish threw at her while Harding simply shook her head and grabbed her mug of tea. The scout had been hanging around the two elves long enough to be surprised by their antics. Sera’s brain analyzed quickly Dalish’s reaction. And, adding what Skinner just said... “So… it like prevent babies from being born, right? she muttered.

Her eyes widened suddenly and she started flapping her hands around while cackling like a loon. The Chargers stopped their mock fight to watch her before exchanging a worried glance, unsure what to do. Harding kept on drinking, also used to Sera’s exuberance. “She’s been doing it!” Sera shouted in mad glee. “Hm!! She’s friggin doing HIM! And often if I am to judge by the amount of Arbor Wilds we gathered.”

Harding nearly choked on her tea as Dalish and Skinner burst out laughing.

“Well… it is a good way to remove tensions."

“And Maker knows she must have LOTS of those."

“It’s good to know there’s SOMEONE helping her relaxes under those strains.”

“Yeah but come on… HIM?!” Sera made a face.

“He’s not that bad. I know I wouldn't mind taking a piece of that.”

“Ladies, may I remind you that we are talking about the Inquisitor and her private life?” Harding said, rubbing her forehead.

“Well, it’s good to know she’s still mortal. With normal, mortal urges, isn't it?” Sera said, leaning over the table, her chin in her hands.

“Sera…” Harding warned.

“What? Is true, right? I mean…” Sera started but Dalish cut her. “The Moon Draught is not used only for that but it’s an added benefice. It’s primarily used to help with your menses. The elders gather us girls the first time our moon is full to teach us the recipe. Then, we go and gather the herbs before brewing the potion for first time.”

“And then what?” Skinner was a little curious. Like the rest of them, her comrade-in-arm very rarely spoke of her clan or her life before the Chargers.

“The whole clan gathers around, except for the children, and we have this big orgy going on. We do this every moon or so.”

“What? Like seriously?!”

The girls stared at the Dalish elf, who simply nodded and took a bite of her breakfast. “Of course. I mean, we have to test whether the potion is effective or not.”

For a moment, the whole table was silent as they swallowed the information, until Sera noticed Dalish’s mouth curling slightly. “Friggin smart ass!” she cried out, laughing. “You got us all!”

“Not my fault if you’re gullible.” Dalish grinned.

“Still, it’s better than what the nobles women of the Hinderlands are doing to prevent unwanted pregnancies. They say they have to soak cotton pads in a mixture of honey, Drakestone oil and crushed Embrium seeds, before they insert it inside their lady parts.” Sera said.

“Sound messy.” Dalish commented while Harding and Skinner simply nodded.

“The ladies in Orlais use something similar but without the pad stuff.” the city elf girl said, her accent clipping the syllables a little. “They’ll have the servant girls brush up a mixture of honey, clarified ram butter and grated Embrium leaves against the mouth of their wombs before every gallant encounter.”

“What? Like the servants would have to stay and watch as their mistress do the dirty?” Sera asked.

Skinner nodded. “Once the encounter is done, the girls have to rinse their lady’s private parts with clear spring water, infused with Crystal Grace’s leaves, to prevent the male seeds to take root or fester inside the lady’s body.”

“You have to be kidding me.” Dalish said, frowning a little but Skinner shook her head. “I wish I was.” she said. “What about you Harding? What are your people’s practices?”

The scout had been listening to their stories without commenting which was odd since the dwarf was usually be very outspoken and not known to not mince her words. Harding shuffled a little on her chair, not meeting their eyes. “We… don’t have any of those.” she finally said. “With the dwarves’ low birth rate, it is considered to be a crime to even think to try and impede reproduction…”

Silence felt on the table as the girls looked at each other, unsure what to say. Dwarves weren’t usually forthcoming about their lives. Even Harding seemed surprised to have share so much. The scout avoided looking at them and a blush was quickly spreading on her pale cheeks. “Forget it, it’s not…”

“What do you mean “impeding reproduction”? We’re not talking about you doing the dirty and screw the consequences! We’re talking about protecting you while you’re on the road, ya? Like, so your moony blood doesn’t attract spiders. Or darkspawns! Seriously I saw them; they’re big enough to swallow you in one bite!” Sera said quickly, hoping to dissipate the sudden unease.

“I could see if it’s possible to adapt the Moon Draught to your body, if you want.” Dalish offered. “You have to take it once a week for it to be effective, but if you stop, you’re back being fertile as ever.”

“And it’s way less messy than honey laced poultices or crystal grace’s rinse.” Skinner added.

“Skinner, that stuff is for impeding reproduction.” Dalish said.

“What? No!”

“Yes!”

“I know! We could ask Dagna to enchant you a rune or something. We would call it the Moon Shield or something. Very poetic, ya? And it would spark lightning bolts at monsters and spiders that attack you. And no one could give you shit because it would be a special shield crafted just for you.” Sera suggested, getting excited by the idea. Harding couldn’t help but chuckle.

“You know, an enchanted shield might not be such a bad idea.” Skinner mused.

“See… it would work like this.” Sera continued, grabbing a handful of blank parchments lying in front of the scout, flipping them over as she started drawing out her ideas.

"That’s silly. A potion would be way more effective than some enchantment.” Dalish objected as she grabbed some of the papers.

“What? No way! Beside, dwarves are immune to potion and magic. Everyone knows that!”

Harding blinked as Sera and Dalish got into a heated discussion about the qualities of enchantment vs elvhen potion, while Skinner simply rubbed her temples and helped herself to the remains of Dalish’s breakfast.

Pretty soon, the table’s top was covered with papers filled with doodles of flying bees, holding a shield (with a moon drawn on it), shooting lighting out of their butts at darkspawns and gigantic spiders, and various notes on the proper dosage for the Dalish potion to be adapted for a dwarf lady, and a suggestion of what plants could used, in case Arbor Blessing and Deep Mushroom were ineffective.


End file.
